Well, let me preface this by saying that school is going really well so far this semester. I feel really happy 99% of the time and confident in my abilities to succeed in my classes. Monday, I went to the endocrinologist, who is currently seeing me because of the tumor in my pituitary gland as well as the possible malfunctioning of my adrenal gland -- cool, right? haha. It's hard to keep being faced with medical challenges. My body doesn't feel right and it makes other things hard too -- I have to work twice as hard to lose weight, my skin is breaking out despite all my efforts to the contrary, and I am gaining weight instead of losing it, even though i've basically cut out a ton of fat in my diet and am only consuming 1200 calories a day. It's frustrating but it just reminds me that we are given trials because God knows that we can handle them. Well, Monday, at the doctor's office, she brought up another issue that could soon become a trial -- my one kidney.
The backstory with this is, when I was like 6, we went camping and I didn't want to pee in the woods, so I basically just didn't use the bathroom for like three days. Well my mom knew there was something wrong, so she took me to the doctor, who then did an ultrasound and found out that I only have one kidney. As I recently found out, my other kidney is still there, but it is majorly atrophied and wasted away, and ultimately useless. However, I have had to be careful for a long time and not play contact sports or do risky things in order to keep my one remaining kidney safe. Recently, I had a kidney stone which was a very painful experience for me. Well, when I had the kidney stone the doctor in the emergency room did a CT scan. Apparently my endocrinologist looked at this CT scan and told me that there is something wrong with my kidney, so I need to follow up with a urologist. This information was and is a bit disheartening, I am really scared. I mean, what if I end up needing a kidney transplant? Anyways, so this is what my current worries are basically.
However, in the light of all this, there is an opportunity I have been given to reevaluate myself in a spiritual light rather than physical, so even if my physical body seems to be falling apart, I can still look at my spiritual health. Our ecclesiastical endorsements are due in March, which seems far away but really isn't. For those of you who don't know what that is, it is basically affirming that you keep the honor code.
Here is an excerpt from the BYU honor code:
"As a matter of personal commitment, students, faculty, and staff of Brigham Young University, Brigham Young University-Hawaii, Brigham
Young University-Idaho, and LDS Business College seek to demonstrate in daily living on and off campus those moral virtues encompassed in the gospel of Jesus Christ, and will:
Be honest
Observe Dress and Grooming Standards
Obey the law and all campus policies
Participate regularly in Church services
Live a chaste and virtuous life
Use clean language
Respect others
Abstain from alcoholic beverages, tobacco, tea, coffee, and substance abuse
Encourage others in their commitment to comply with the Honor Code."



those are some pretty heavy commitments that I really need to think about as I renew my ecclesiastical endorsement. Yes, i am chaste, but am i virtuous? do i respect others? am i honest? do i strive to become a better person?

these things will all be weighing on my mind in the coming weeks. I hope everyone is well.
loveeee!