Still Ill

So lately I've felt really ill. Everyday I am exhausted and just plain worn out from doing nothing. I've also had headaches and a persistent sore throat, and so I've been pretty sure that I've had mono these past few weeks, but I'm too cheap to see a doctor (I'm broker than broke right now). Even though I've missed a million classes and a ton of material I still feel pretty confident when it comes to my classes this semester. In chemistry, I should be able to pull a B (probably a B-), a B in French, a B in PdBio 120, and an A?? in International Health. Not too shabby, and compared to last semester - downright fabulous. I know I can do better though, and I honestly think that being really homesick has a lot to do with me feeling ill. I'm not saying I'm depressed, but at the same point, I think I am, somewhat. I miss my siblings and I am stressed all the time -- which definitely contributes to my physical and mental wellbeing. You can only be stressed for so long before it starts to wear on you. I am in need of a break, and so I have decided to take one. For the month of July I will be going home to NC, living with my "second mom" Jan, and getting a little break from being so dang stressed constantly. I feel pretty fragile, in all honesty, mentally and physically, just because of finances and school. A friend of mine's facebook status stated the following: BYU, where your best just isn't enough since 1875, or something along those lines. It's hard, really really hard. What makes things harder is being so far away from everything and everyone I hold dear. If you know me, you know that I am a worrier. I fret easily and often, about small things and big things. It's part of who I am. And although I don't necessarily feel that I am needed at home, I worry about the things that happen while I'm gone, whether they're positive or negative. I worry that my siblings don't know how much I really adore them. I worry that something bad will happen to someone I love dearly (even the little things scare me. Skipper got a staph infection and had to have surgery last week and all I wanted to do was come home and be there, even if there was nothing I could do.). I miss my dang cat. I miss being in a family ward and feeling like I had a family. I miss not having to worry about paying rent, utilities, tuition, grocery bills, medical bills, loans....I hate feeling powerless when I don't have money. My car broke down and there is nothing I can do about it. My computer crashed and there is nothing I can do about it. My health is subpar and there is nothing I can do about it. Anyways, I just feel like going home for a little while will do me a lot of good. Kind of like when I went to missouri that one summer, except opposite. Here's to finals and things working out alright!